Do you recognize this day?
Wake up (snooze button, anyone?), stumble into the shower, throw some breakfast together (if there’s time), hustle everyone else out the door, dash off to work, forget something halfway down the steps, run through your list of things you must-not-forget-today while you drive to work, dash from meeting to meeting, realize you forgot your lunch on the kitchen counter (probably next to a kid’s homework or a library book you’ve been meaning to return for at least a week now), accumulate three new post-it-notes next to the ones left from yesterday, leave feeling like you’re even further behind than you were when you started.
Dinner? After-school activities? Family? Laundry? Dishes? Bills? Answer your sister’s phone call? Bed? Repeat?
That clutter of must-do’s quickly translates into a heaping serving of resentment topped with fatigue sauce and a sleepless cherry on top, doesn’t it?
But you can’t get out of it. Because you must eat, you must work, you must make sure the kids are okay (and they are, really).
Must. Must. Must.
Or must you?
When we feel put-upon by a lot of external obligations, we feel powerless. Our time is not our own. Our decisions are not our own. That perception of our situation is very strong and very difficult to manage at busy times or moments of transition.
That’s when you can ask this question: Must I? Or can I choose?
There are external forces at work in our lives. Yet we usually have more choices than we realize. The problem is that by the time you arrive at this over-stressed point, you don’t feel like you have the chance to stop and ask. You feel like you don’t have a choice.
There are a lot of choices though. Start with some small ones and build up you choosing muscles. Through practice, you can change your perspective from put-upon to making-decisions.
A colleague told me he sits in his car for one minute when he leaves the office. He just sits there. He breathes. It’s a minute of reset.
I tend to stay until the last moment, dash out the door, turn the key, pull out, and drive all in a matter of moments.
His way is better. He’s choosing to regain control over that moment and says it makes a clean break between work and home.
That’s a small step with big payoffs.
How often do you scarf down your lunch giving it hardly a thought? When your child or partner asks what you ate for lunch and you can’t really remember, that’s a sign that you’re not choosing to eat lunch, you’re just letting it happen. (hopefully!)
Take a moment. Eat lunch. Choose to pay attention.
Your mind is scrambling along at a million miles, generating anxious to-do’s while you’re supposedly watching your kid’s sports team. You’re surfing the phone, trying to do something that would take you a fraction of the time on a computer, but you’ve got to multi-task and get that last email out. Really? Or are you choosing to be absorbed in something that might get a few kudos from people who (you hope) notice how dedicated you are?
Manage your time.
Time management isn’t something you’re born with. Some people have a gift, yes. The rest of us learn it.
Too busy to learn?
The bottom line is, when you start seeing your time as something you choose to use, and seeing yourself as an active participant in your life, your ability to choose well goes way up. Your perspective changes.
That’s a great choice.
Want some more information on time management? Check out these resources:
Why you should do your worst task first today
Psychology Today articles on time management
Make your working hours work for you – Entrepreneur article
Manage your energy, not your time – HBR article